Why the Real L Word really SUCKS!!

Ok, so I watched the show last week and was not impressed. However, being the judgemental, hateful bitch that I can be I thought I'd give Ms. Chaiken another chance.

All that being said, this show totally blows!!! First scenario...One of the couples, Rose and Natalie, go out for their 7 month anniversary. While Natalie is definitely (maybe) wrong for bringing up babies and marriage this early, Rose definitely wins the douche award for saying "Cheers to my love, you are lucky you have it." WTF????? Ok, you are allowed to believe that you are lucky or blessed to be receiving the love of your partner, but you are most definitely not allowed to be hyper-obsessed with your worth on this planet!

Second scenario...Whitney goes out with what has to be her 5th partner in the second show, and then kisses her. Then later she is on the phone with the same girl, while all the while the girl who moved out to LA to be with her is sleeping in her bedroom. And, the kicker, she tells the girl on the phone that she doesn't have the willpower to not hit on her physically. Again W.T.F????? These are not the lesbians in my world.

The other problem I have is that they are all rich, powerful, ego-filled twits with no thoughts of anything but themselves! At least in the other L Word we could put aside their ego-filled b.s. and focus on the fact that it was fiction! There was a storyline, that was at times drama filled fluff, but at other times was very powerful and touching. I find it hard to believe that every lesbian in LA is successful, wealthy, and powerful. I think there are probably quite a few that are struggling to pay their bills, clothe their children, and work normal jobs every day.

So...here is my rant for the day. Eilleen you can suck it! I will no longer torment myself with this supposed "Real L Word." I had such high hopes... If you are a normal lesbian in LA, or even one of the successful ones, feel free to comment.

p.s. This is one of the primary reasons that the conservative right thinks we do nothing but sleep with all the girls we can find and drink all day long!!

Pride Weekend, and why we didn't go...

So...this weekend is Pride weekend. It is something I look forward to all year long. I love being able to immerse myself in my community, hold hands with my wife on the street, and not worry about our safety. It has been my favorite thing to do since I came out, I love the parties, all the people, the crowds, all of it.

We are not going this year, again. I didn't get to go last year because I was at the hospital for 3 straight days before my Daddy died. It was horrible, awful and I swore that I would go to Pride this year, if only to forget for a few moments. Except that I can't forget. As we get closer to the anniversary, I just want to lay down in my bed and not move. I took the week off at work so I don't have to deal with staff or offenders, who are often unwittingly insensitive. They don't mean to be, but people forget about the important things in others lives.

We also can't go due to the financial situation in our household, and the situation with T. As we are still struggling to keep up with our bills, it seems irresponsible to go blow money that we don't have. And literally, we don't have it. We would just have to wander around and not spend money, which kind of ruins the whole thing.

As far as the situation with T goes...we still can't leave him here by himself with the girls. And, I don't really feel comfortable leaving him with friends. What if he has a meltdown? What if he goes ballistic and they don't know what to do to help him?? We had a meltdown this morning over the dishes, something he agreed to do today. He doesn't understand why he has to do them this early in the morning, and I want to be able to cook breakfast. Perfect setting for a meltdown, and nothing I say or do makes this any better either. And...it's not early! It's almost 10 am for crying out loud. I am being reminded weekly that we can't give in, we have to follow through, but I'm telling you sometimes these battles just suck. Never mind that sometimes it's hard to tell what is typical teenage behavior, and what is a symptom.

So...Happy Pride Weekend Everyone!! I want to be there, and am there in spirit. Hopefully next year will find me at the City Diner watching the Parade and ignoring the protestors!!

So much to say, so little time...

I haven't been here in about a month. I thought at first that I would just lay low for the month of June, as it is two weeks before the year anniversary of my Daddy's passing. But, I am here, and now I don't know the words to use.

T has been diagnosed bi-polar (finally, a diagnosis), and he has been working really hard on his counseling and therapy. We are going to let him play football in the fall, and he is really excited. I am hopeful that it will be one more step toward a stable life at home. Also, his room has been clean for 9 days now. 21 more and he can have his tv back, and he wants to get his ear pierced. We are learning to support and discipline, not simply support.

Among the other changes, my 11 year old has decided she would like to live with her father. I thought about this and prayed about this, and there is no easy answer. I will not make her stay, when she is obviously miserable. Also, I will not make everyone else in this household miserable by having to deal with her unhappiness.

And so... I write this, and while I know I overshare, I hope for your thoughts and kind words. I am heartbroken at the thought of losing my child, but I hope that she will find the place she needs to be.