So...this weekend is Pride weekend. It is something I look forward to all year long. I love being able to immerse myself in my community, hold hands with my wife on the street, and not worry about our safety. It has been my favorite thing to do since I came out, I love the parties, all the people, the crowds, all of it.
We are not going this year, again. I didn't get to go last year because I was at the hospital for 3 straight days before my Daddy died. It was horrible, awful and I swore that I would go to Pride this year, if only to forget for a few moments. Except that I can't forget. As we get closer to the anniversary, I just want to lay down in my bed and not move. I took the week off at work so I don't have to deal with staff or offenders, who are often unwittingly insensitive. They don't mean to be, but people forget about the important things in others lives.
We also can't go due to the financial situation in our household, and the situation with T. As we are still struggling to keep up with our bills, it seems irresponsible to go blow money that we don't have. And literally, we don't have it. We would just have to wander around and not spend money, which kind of ruins the whole thing.
As far as the situation with T goes...we still can't leave him here by himself with the girls. And, I don't really feel comfortable leaving him with friends. What if he has a meltdown? What if he goes ballistic and they don't know what to do to help him?? We had a meltdown this morning over the dishes, something he agreed to do today. He doesn't understand why he has to do them this early in the morning, and I want to be able to cook breakfast. Perfect setting for a meltdown, and nothing I say or do makes this any better either. And...it's not early! It's almost 10 am for crying out loud. I am being reminded weekly that we can't give in, we have to follow through, but I'm telling you sometimes these battles just suck. Never mind that sometimes it's hard to tell what is typical teenage behavior, and what is a symptom.
So...Happy Pride Weekend Everyone!! I want to be there, and am there in spirit. Hopefully next year will find me at the City Diner watching the Parade and ignoring the protestors!!
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