I was going to write a post about how Don't ask Don't Tell has finally been declared unconstitutional, and how wonderful that is, but then C brought up the fact that we (as a couple, and as individuals) are still not being given equal rights on a daily basis. In fact, she had been thinking about her own blog post, but I asked and she doesn't feel ready, or just won't, or whatever. So here goes, I hope I can do her thoughts justice!
We've always known DADT is unconstitutional. Even when C and I were both in the military, we knew. Neither of us were OUT then, and we both were trying so hard to live in the roles we were born in to. However, now we both know in our hearts the other pieces of our lives that are unconstitutional.
We have no protection as a couple, or as individual citizens under the law in our state. If you look at it and bend the glass a bit, our not being allowed to marry is also a violation of our first amendment rights. We, unlike other Americans, are not allowed the freedom of expression that others enjoy. We would love to freely express the depth of our love together by marrying. I do not look at marriage as a religious contract, but rather a civil contract. After all, we would then be protected at hospitals, when we try to adopt, and on our death beds.
No one would be able to keep her from me if I were dying, and vice versa. Let me tell you, right now that is one of the things that scares me most. If I am gone, no judge will tell her she can keep the two children who still live with us. If she is gone, no one will be able to stop her crazy-ass mother from coming down here to get The Diva.
And yet...we work for the State. We can't hold hands in public (in most places), we can't get married, for God's sake we can't even smoke in a restaraunt!! That last part is meant lightly, but think about it. I often think about the fact that they will legalize marijuana, shortly after they outlaw smoking in public.
We uphold the laws of the State of Misery, we protect the people of this state from those they would all remain seperate from, and yet there is no protection for us. I am not allowed to use the size of our family to qualify for any services whatsoever, because we are not one unit under the law. And yet, when I tried to qualify my children for reduced lunch fees, we were counted as one unit, and suddenly made too much money!! I can't qualify for family status on my benefits at work, and heaven help me, if she were killed while working (or vice versa) they wouldn't give us administrative leave to attend the other's funeral because we are not legally wed. People I know think that I am too serious about this, but I simply ask what if you were suddenly told you couldn't marry because your potential heterosexual partner was of a different race, ethnic group, or religion? I bet you'd take it just as seriously.
So, we keep fighting, I will continue to bring this topic to light at work, and we keep working to protect the citizens of the State Of Misery!!
So, C and I were talking the other day about how we were feeling. Both of us have been a little down and out, with K's birthday tomorrow (the child in Texas) and other life events. C said that when she is feeling needy, or like she hates her body, etc. that makes her feel feminine. And so I asked (in my wise verbal judo corrections voice) "Is that a bad thing?" And she said yes. She doesn't like to feel feminine because it makes her feel weak, and that is always bad.
I thought about that for a while because I am not hardly ever masculine. I am dominant in many, many ways. I am sometimes (ok mostly) aggressive, almost always abrupt, and yet I am still rarely masculine. I like that I am feminine, it is the part of me that I most enjoy. For me feminine doesn't mean I always wear makeup (ok, hardly ever) or skirts and heels, it just is who I am.
To me being feminine is the epitomy of who I am, who I most want to be. I want to be able to be soft, kind, fair... all of those things that word makes me think of. I've never viewed it as being weak. I know she wasn't downgrading me for being feminine, after all it is not always about me. But still I'm left wondering, why does feminine to her signal weakness?
Does it mean she has to ask for help, or that she needs me to reassure her that I am still here, still interested in her? I know you all know those people, the ones who in an offhand way will ask "Who is the guy in the relationship?" She is not a guy, thank the Goddess!! She is this wonderfully strong, beautiful, vibrant woman that I want to spend the rest of my life with. But, if I think about her in relation to me, she is kind of masculine. I view her as my protector, she is the only person I am ever submissive with. I love when we go out and she wears the tie or the suspenders with the fedora, and this lovely blue silk shirt, but even then she always wears her hair down. She is not so butch that people would ever mistake her for a man, and I am fairly sure that we get our fair share of weird looks as people question the idea of two femmes being together.
Trust me folks, she is NOT a femme. She would find that laughable, but I have seen her wear eyeliner. I guess my question is, what makes her masculine to my feminine? How did we find our perfect opposite in each other? How does it work out that I had to have someone stronger than myself to keep me sane, and she was right here at the right time? Am I the only one who asks these questions?
I am a thirty-something femme with 4 kids and 4 dogs trying to excel in an increasingly insane world. I started this blog for many reasons.
I want a place for free dialogue, a place for people to voice their opinions about everything including feminism, LGBT issues, and growing children.
I love to argue and welcome discourse, however hate speech of any kind will not be tolerated.
I hope you enjoy this site.