Friday, January 29, 2010

So, if you're the wife is she the husband??

Today I present you with two examples of questions people ask about the gay community.

The first example comes from my supervisor. I was happy because The Diva called me 'step-mom' for the very first time last night. And I was telling everyone I could find, because it is really important to me. My boss said "I'm confused, I'm trying not to be insensitive, but if you call C your wife, then wouldn't you be the husband?"

I am not insulted by this. Not in the least. I didn't feel attacked, I didn't feel hurt. I felt like she asked out of an honest curiosity, and a desire to understand. I explained, again, that there are no men in our relationship, so we don't use male terms. I call C my wife, and she calls me her wife. I know some lesbians that go by male terminology, but C and I aren't those people. I know that some people consider me feminine, but there really is nothing more feminine than my wife with her blond hair down to her rear! She is beautiful, more beautiful than I ever thought I'd be blessed with.

Now, let me inundate you with the second example. The Diva is in the debate group. I don't know how extensive the debate training is in middle school, but I don't think they've been taught much sensitivity. So, today they were debating whether or not gay marriage should be allowed. Several of the boys were apparently very rude, with one of the most rude comments being "Gays should not marry because they will just make all their children gay."

The Diva interrupted at that point and said that wasn't true. They asked how she knew, and she said "because my mom's are gay." So, anyone that didn't know about her parents status knows now, and our brave little girl spent all afternoon crying. She cried for their ignorance, and she cried because she was angry. And most of all, she cried because the guidance counselor wouldn't let her call home. Can you believe that? She explained why she was upset, and the counselor just said no.

And then? Then she came home and cried with C. Then she put on her makeup and went to a birthday party, because that is what brave 15 year old girls do.

I know this has been long, but I hope you have read all of it. I have been thinking for days about the status of my relationship with C. I don't generally think about the fact that I am a lesbian, because I am out. C says I am like a bulldozer, tell me I can't do something and I'll do it all the faster. But, I feel bad for any children in the room today with the debate team who might be questioning their sexuality. With that kind of ignorance and hatred, they may stay in the closet as long as I did.

Any thoughts?


  1. I can't beleive the guidance counselor wouldn't let her call home. I'm sorry, I'm sort of stuck on that point. It's also a little disconcerting that 15 year olds think that gay parents will "turn their kids gay." None of the objections to your right to marry make any sense to me. Not from a legal or moral standpoint.

  2. The guidance counselor needs her ass kicked. I suggest a few nasty meetings. Really.

    On the gay issue--it's really none of anybody's business. It was, however, your daughter's secret, and if she felt the need to broadcast it, it was not only her right, but perhaps her solace.

    These kids spout ignorance that they learned from their parents. They are TOO YOUNG to have really examined the world for themselves and come to any form of informed conclusion--but then, I think even most adults have NOT examined the world for themselves and come to any informed conclusion.

    THAT should be the lesson you teach the Diva. These kids are drowning in their parents' ignorance. Eventually, they will learn to think for themselves--or not, but then, if they don't, who cares?

    This is one of the biggest lessons of childhood. Don't let this teaching moment go to waste.

  3. *Disclaimer-the internets were broken all week at my house!

    @Faiqa-Yes, I believe so too! The woman is lucky C had to go to work that night!!

    @The Mother-that is what we try to instill in all of our children, is that ignorance abounds with most people and they may not ever change!!