Ok, so most people that know me know that I love So You Think You Can Dance. Mia Michaels is perhaps my favorite choreagrapher in my whole life. People that watch will understand when I say it is apparent she has had a hard life. Anyway, she said something after one of the dances yesterday that just really touched me. She said "It is such a blessing to be able to let go, be vulnerable enough and know that someone is there to catch you if you fall." Forgive me if I got part of that wrong, but you get my gist.
I consider myself blessed to be in the presence of my partner on a daily, sometimes hourly, basis. I never felt safe before I met her. I had lived for 32 years knowing that I was not worthy of love, that I had invariably done something wrong long ago that made me unworthy. We have been together for 3 1/2 years now, and it took me two years to stop shying away from her when she put her hand on my face. It took a long time to quell the fear that I would do something wrong and she would leave. Now, after a lot of hard work, I understand that I am worthy of love. I have worth and value, not just for my brain, but for my soul.
I have learned that life is not fair. As my boss would say, "The fair is a place you take your pig", lol! I have learned that it is not always even-stevens. At times one of us is holding the other up, supporting the other, loving the other more than they are receiving. And beyond all else, I know she will catch me if I fall. This has enabled me to take huge risks, both personally and professionally. It helps me to trust her every day because I know I am there for her and she is here for me. I once wrote a list of 50 things I love about her, and at the top of my list is her strength and her heart. Anyone who knows a Marine will understand, they have to have the strength and heart of a lion. She has never given up, she will never give up. She tells me all the time, anything worth having is worth fighting every day for.
I just finished a movie (more like a documentary) called "Edie and Thea: A Very Long Engagement." I would encourage you all to see it. If you are straight or gay and don't believe in gay marriage, please watch this. These women spent almost 44 years together, and they are phenomenal! Watching these women look at each other with such love after 40 years gives me hope. There is such a tenderness and caring there, I wish all people could find that in their lives. I want to look at C like that when I'm almost 80, I want to see her grin and say "Loves Ya" when she is 82! I am happy that I know who will catch me when I fall, do you have someone to catch you??
It's Getting Cate In Here
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