Update on Phoenix Flight

All of my dogs graduated their Canine Good Citizen Test last night. This is probably the hardest thing I've done since I've worked in a prison. It has been fun, rewarding, sad, disappointing, and sometimes scary.

I have had to remove two of the trainers. That sucked. We lost a 3rd due to a court-ordered treatment transfer the day before the test. The other two trainers were flying stupid in a no-stupid-zone and had to be tagged. I hated doing it, but I am ultimately responsible for the safety of my dogs.

Next week is graduation, and then I have three weeks to find homes for 4 of the 5 dogs, before we bring the next crew of six in. My boss is already freaking out this time. I told him that normally he gives me until the week before, he said he was trying to beat the rush on freaking out. It all makes me tired.

The program has not been without its detractors. There have been both officers and classification staff that have wanted to see this fail. There have been others who waited until they saw signs of success before attacking. I will stand by this program no matter what. We are doing the right thing, for both the dogs and the offenders. This is the most important thing I've done since I started working for the Department 5 years ago. And, in the end, we will succeed. We may be tired, we may be stressed, but we will stand and be counted in the end as people who have done a positive thing for both offenders and rescue dogs.

The day I painted my son's nails

So, today I painted T's nails. The world did not fall out of orbit, he didn't say he wanted to be a serial killer, I painted his nails. When I was growing up I fought with my parents a lot. Mostly the fights were about my clothes or my makeup, or why I wanted to be in drama. I always told myself and my kids that I won't fight about self expression. The rule is "as long as your boobs and your butt are covered I don't care what you wear." C apparently doesn't have the same philosophy. That said, I think it is mostly out of concern for T. He gets picked on at school and C is worried that having black nails will cause him to get beat up. I asked T if he worried about this, and he said " I don't care." now it could be different tomorrow afternoon if he gets beat up or something, but I honestly don't think it will happen. I just want T to be happy in his own skin, and right now he's not. So what do you all think? Are black nails the beginning of a downward spiral??

I miss my wife!!

Ok, I know everybody works and I know we all work hard, but seriously??? I'm tired and I'm done! I want C to work a normal shift, so we can have a normal family. I know I sound mean, hateful, whatever you want to call it. I'm just tired of never seeing her. I used to celebrate our anniversary every month, but I forgot a few months ago and suddenly time just flies by. I just want to spend some quality time with her by myself. Every time I say that, out loud or in my head, I feel like a selfish bitch. I'm just afraid we are going to wake up one day and not have anything to say to each other. I haven't seen her awake in two days and I'm lonely. There you go, I said it. And now I sound like some 2 year old brat. But really, I miss my best friend!!

How do you know when you're getting hosed?

So, the last several weeks at work have been just a tad stressful. I have been fighting a losing battle trying to deal with things. I have been trying really hard to learn to shut my mouth. This might work for some, but not so well for me! I have finally learned after 35 years to walk awAy, now if everyone else would just get on board! If I work circles around someone, then don't spend time trying to tear me down! Just let me work! Oh wAit... I forgot the rules of DOC!! Failure is expected, mediocrity is rewarded, and success will not be tolerated!! Anyone feel like you are working for no appreciation or recognition? Normally I am happy to just do my job, but sometimes It would be nice to get a thankyou!

Look @ me, all technologically advanced!

So, I got an iPod touch ... And it has taken me about a month to figure out how to use it. I wish I could post more often, but with kids and work and work dogs I am busy beyond anything I ever imagined. The dogs are doing well, with the average amount of beurocratic bs you'd imagine. Keep your fingers crossed, I am hoping for success!

The Dogs are here!

I started working on Phoenix Flight on November 15th, and yesterday, February 10th we got our first set of dogs!! I am so excited, and I firmly believe my offenders will do an outstanding job! This has felt like an overly long process, and some days I felt like it would surely never happen. There are many naysayers when you are trying to do something different than "the way things have always been done." But it was worth it last night.

Until last night, I had never seen one of these guys smile. All the rest (9 others) will smile and hold a conversation, but this one man I had never seen an actual smile. My friend gave him his dog, and I saw all of his teeth, his smile was so big. It makes me proud to be a part of something like this, and I believe it will do wonders for the dogs and the offenders!

We have 5 dogs, some of them are silly, and all of them have great personalities! I can't wait to see what these guys can accomplish!!

So, y'all have a good day because I know I will!!

So, if you're the wife is she the husband??

Today I present you with two examples of questions people ask about the gay community.

The first example comes from my supervisor. I was happy because The Diva called me 'step-mom' for the very first time last night. And I was telling everyone I could find, because it is really important to me. My boss said "I'm confused, I'm trying not to be insensitive, but if you call C your wife, then wouldn't you be the husband?"

I am not insulted by this. Not in the least. I didn't feel attacked, I didn't feel hurt. I felt like she asked out of an honest curiosity, and a desire to understand. I explained, again, that there are no men in our relationship, so we don't use male terms. I call C my wife, and she calls me her wife. I know some lesbians that go by male terminology, but C and I aren't those people. I know that some people consider me feminine, but there really is nothing more feminine than my wife with her blond hair down to her rear! She is beautiful, more beautiful than I ever thought I'd be blessed with.

Now, let me inundate you with the second example. The Diva is in the debate group. I don't know how extensive the debate training is in middle school, but I don't think they've been taught much sensitivity. So, today they were debating whether or not gay marriage should be allowed. Several of the boys were apparently very rude, with one of the most rude comments being "Gays should not marry because they will just make all their children gay."

The Diva interrupted at that point and said that wasn't true. They asked how she knew, and she said "because my mom's are gay." So, anyone that didn't know about her parents status knows now, and our brave little girl spent all afternoon crying. She cried for their ignorance, and she cried because she was angry. And most of all, she cried because the guidance counselor wouldn't let her call home. Can you believe that? She explained why she was upset, and the counselor just said no.

And then? Then she came home and cried with C. Then she put on her makeup and went to a birthday party, because that is what brave 15 year old girls do.

I know this has been long, but I hope you have read all of it. I have been thinking for days about the status of my relationship with C. I don't generally think about the fact that I am a lesbian, because I am out. C says I am like a bulldozer, tell me I can't do something and I'll do it all the faster. But, I feel bad for any children in the room today with the debate team who might be questioning their sexuality. With that kind of ignorance and hatred, they may stay in the closet as long as I did.

Any thoughts?