Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Mo Anam Cara

A couple of days ago, before the stomach flu laid (layed?) me out, I said I was going to introduce my partner to my blog.

I met her two and a half (almost) years ago. Have you ever seen someone from across a room and just had a sense right then that they would become the most important person in your world, beside your children? Mo chriede (my heart) is that to me. Honestly, I went to a work party and she came up behind me and I turned around and it happened...bam! I tell people all the time it really wouldn't have mattered to me if she were a man or a woman, our souls connected at that point.

I know that sounds cheesy, and I have had people argue with me several times over the validity of my statement but it is true. I knew growing up that I felt differently about men and women than most of the people around me, but I grew up in the south as a rigid southern baptist. What do most southern baptist women grow up to do? Why they get married and have babies of course! So, I got out of the Navy and met my children's father. I thought he was perfect. Of course he wasn't and I wasn't either. I spent the last year and a half of high school in foster care, and I was looking for someone (anyone) to love me. T was that man. It didn't matter how many times he hit me, or got drunk, or did drugs, he loved me. He said it all the time so it must have been true, right? The tipping point was when (three weeks before the cookie queen came along) he pointed a loaded weapon at my head. After six months of storing money and planning I escaped. Anyway, this is not supposed to be about me.

Fast forward three years, and I met C. Instantaneously I knew why I felt different growing up. This is the adult relationship I had been waiting all my life for. I talk about her almost all the time, I miss her whenever she isn't here, I can't imagine life without her. We have had some of the best experiences of our lives together, and some of the worst. I was there for her when her grandmother quit recognizing her and was diagnosed with cancer. She was there for me when I came out to my family, including my ex. It is hard to explain exactly what she means to me. I just like to say that she is everything to me. She is my best friend, soulmate, lover. She understands better than anyone else how I feel.

So, now we are trying to decide whether to move to Iowa to get married. She is from Iowa, so most of it depends on job options for me. She can transfer, but I really can't. I have a degree in history, but no teaching certificate, so I am left with few options. All I know is that I go where she goes, and I will for the rest of my life. I cannot wait until we are old together sitting on the porch swing, rocking the grandbabies. I am soooo blessed to have her.

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