Saturday, June 6, 2009

My son, the escape artist...WTF???

I've talked a little bit here about the problem's The Soldier has with just bein a kid, but I didn't go into detail during the introductions.

Anyway, my son has some severe anger issues probably due to some of the things that happened when he was little. The Soldier, The Princess and I lived through some very bad situations when he was little and I wasn't strong enough to stop it sometimes. That is my responsibility, however I have done my very best since I left to get him the help that he needs. This is very, VERY hard to do when he refuses to be honest about the situation. Instead he laughs about the things we went through as though any of it is actually funny.

Fast forward to this year, and I am literally lost. He has become angry and sullen and doesn't answer questions when asked by the counselor. He has done many, many things that could have (Should Have) gotten him suspended from school at the very least. Instead, the school chose to make me and C the only disciplinarians in his life. They have told us there is nothing they can do (not true.)

He has scared both of us with the things he has done, I try not to leave him at home alone with his sisters because of what could happen while I am gone. He is 12, I shouldn't have to worry about these things. But... what if he hurts one of them, what if he gets soooo angry that he actually physically hurts them? I have talked until I am blue in the face and still nothing changes. His pat answer is "I don't know."

When we went to the last counselor, his moods were getting worse almost daily. We go through what I (and the counselor) consider manic periods and what can only be termed extreme periods of deep depression. Her suggestion was to find a psychiatrist who could diagnose him properly and get him the help he needs. I thought this was a good idea, but trying to find one sometime in the next six months is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. The last time I called one they told me to take him to the ER the next time he has a breakdown. WTF??? What is the ER here going to do for my son?

I know this is rambling, but I really don't know what else to do or say. Last night I actually let him have a friend over. They live next door so I figured if there were problems it could be easily fixed. I am sitting next to my front window twenty minutes later when I see my son run through the front yard. What the hell??? How did that happen? I know he didn't levitate past me which leaves the only option being his window.

I called him back to the house and asked if he went out the window...why yes, of course mom, that is what he did. So, I thought about it, I have warned the Soldier before about not going out the window and one warning should be enough, right? I went next door and explained that because my son could not follow the rules, their son could not stay. But, I did say he could come back next weekend if my son could get his act together. I didn't yell, I didn't scream, I just told the Soldier that he didn't follow the rules, therefore his friend could not stay.

What follows is why I am asking you, internets, for help. The Soldier spent 45 minutes screaming and crying and yelling that I ruin everything and that his friend is going to hate him now. Of course he did all of this from the safety of his room after he ran down the stairs and slammed the door. I had to send the Diva next door with the friend's stuff so that they would not see The Soldier's latest meltdown. I am literally lost, I tried to let him have fun and it didn't work...

I spend my life worrying that he will hurt himself or someone else while he is having an episode. I spend my life worrying that he is going to end up incarcerated in one of the places that I work. I spend my life worrying that he is going to sneak out his window one night and not come back. I simply don't know what to do or how to fix this.

So, what about you? Do your children have issues like this? Did they? What did you do to fix it?


  1. Life with the vile teenager was like this sometimes. She snuck out, stole, violated every rule ever set, etc. Foster kids were no different really. Without knowing whether you've already done this, I would suggest the following:

    Get him evaluated for chemical imbalance and/or bipolar disorder. It can happen during adolescencs. He may need some medication to help stabilize his moods.

    Keep him in therapy. If the counselor won't work, find a psychiatrist. Try the children's hosptial for referrals and suggestions. I know in Utah and Arizona the children's hosptial had a psychiatric ward.

    That's probably where the ER suggestion comes from, if a doc sees something manic he may suggest an overnight or 48 watch.

    If you keep hitting deadends, keep trying until you find someone that will listen, really listen to what you are saying and experiencing.

    Keep a journal. I found during the worst of times with the vile teenager that writing down what I was feeling was more beneficial becuase a) I had a record and began to see patterns; b) my feelings were normal when I looked back on them once I was calm and validation was helpful; and c) I was able to see triggers and patterns and began to know when to expect an episode.

    Good luck to you and feel free to email me anytime you need an ear. Me

  2. Thank you so much! We are going to have him evaluated as soon as we can get an open appointment.

    It is good to know that we are not alone in all of this.

  3. The ER is a very good suggestion because you can get a psych eval there. Keep at it.

  4. Hi Becca,

    Sounds to me like he has some sort of mood disorder but it could be just depression, bipolar, adhd, ptsd, a personality disorder, or a combo of any of these things.

    Or maybe it has to do with all the pre teen hormones as well. I really have no clue.

    I think it is a great idea to take him to the ER when he is freaking out, at least he will be evaluated sooner, and they will probably put him in the psych ward to really get a good eval.on him.

    I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I would recommend doing as much research as you can about all the possibilities, and making your own initial diagnosis. Trust your motherly instinct it is almost always right.

    Good luck, keep me posted as to what happens. And yes my life is really crazy and really sucks right not, but I am never to busy to help out another mom. So please feel free to ask me any questions you please.

  5. *Anonymous*- Thanks for the advice.

    *Manic Mother*- Thank you so much for your time, I know it is precious. The Soldier was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 6, but all of the meds for that make him HIGHLY aggressive. When we started looking at that, combined with the behavior this year, we started thinking maybe bipolar. As soon as the ex's insurance kicks in he will be going to the doc. If he has an episode before then I will definitely take him to the ER.